Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Baby Tornado

Hi! I'm here, once again. Baby J. is also here, born July 1, 2011 at 4:17 am after a long induced labor due to my gestational diabetes. He's healthy, I'm healthy, and we are blessed with this precious, sweet boy.

Our life is so different now. I was right, I had NO idea how my life was about to change. It's a completely new life we're living. I'm not an idiot, I should have been more prepared for this, but I truly don't think one CAN prepare for all the changes. No sleep (about 3-5 nonconsecutive hrs per night for me.) LOTS of diapers. Sore nipples. Watching a LOT of tv. No reading (I've read about 50 pages of my book since he's been born.) Trying to nap when the baby naps (good advice but not always easy to do!) At least one load of laundry per day.

Initially the hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around was my new identity as Mom. I had simply been Laila for 34 years, the woman who reads, works out, goes to work at the library, goes out with friends to the Farmers Market and Tomato Head whenever she wanted to, had all damn day with which to do whatever she wanted. Now I am Laila, the Mom of J. And my priority is this little innocent guy who needs us to take care of him. He comes first. If he's crying, I put down my lunch, I delay my shower, I get off the phone. It's a challenge to be thrust into that mindset suddenly when they let you out of the hospital to be on your own with this tiny life.

I know it won't always be this way. I know one day I'll have more time for myself and for my relationship with the hubby. I see moms of elementary school kids at the library and they seem more together than moms of babies or toddlers, so I know that things get more settled as your children grow up. I'm really trying to enjoy this time, when he's so small and needs me so much. I love when he looks at me with those big eyes when he's feeding, and his tiny hands grasp my fingers as I'm holding his head. I love when he curls up into the crook of my shoulder after a feeding, and he's all passed out asleep, so content. I love his little grunts and snores when he's sleeping. I love his quiet alert time when he wakes up in the morning. I love laying him down on his activity mat and talking to him about the animal toys on the bar above him.

I can't wait to teach him about the world. This job is among the most important, shaping and guiding a life. I hope to endeavor to deserve it.

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